Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I have been working on allot of things. I have finished setting up my e-com store PayHip E-Com. and here is a breif description why I have not written in a couple days.

How does one start a story when it is so full of sub-stories than are often reffered to as plot twists?I could start in the begining and bore you with all the trauma I have been dealt and tha fact I have a nice scar on my inner thigh that taught me that the artery their will make a person bleed out faster than the neck. Than of coursce many other facts that have fucked me up like getting ripped and sepperated from my dysfunctional family. Do I dare talk about my experiance with organized crime or my time as a hood rat selling drugs? When trauma is your daily life growing up and having first hand experiance with situations that say yes consipiracies are a thing it is hard do know what being a normal sheep is. 

I realize that at this time Fuck it. I know who I am and what I am able to do. I am just dealing with a challenge I find difficult. I have an agreement with a room full of witnesses saying not to do anything illegal and the cost is enugh to get me thinking about going thr out my causin did with a shotgun to the head. I recon I should give more details to what build us to this though. In Feburary I was fired under alligations for smoking meth in th office, during shift change. Being in a town of 700 people word travels fast and people beleive bullshit. Little more context. I had turned that employee in multiple times for herassment. Company is fighting me for unemployment, can't get a job without traveling an hour drive away and than comes the day I hit a deer and crack the transmission on my truck. With it running in this condition just to get groceries thats $120 a week just for myself. 

Here comes the next part. When I realized its going to take more time than I realize I start doing some cleaning and organizing that was in anticipation of getting things in order. Than comes family drama between my room mate ans ao than that comes to a dead stop. I took the loss and cashed out what I had in my 401K for now I have $1,300 left to pay on my neices property plus $500 for taxes and lawyer fees. I am going to tell you that this is some of the most expensive coffee I will ever drink if things dont work out soon. The total valuation on the property is $30,000 and I am about to loose it over a couple hundred. I am trying to buy more time sending what I can saying more to come. 

What is the real cost of my situation? For over two months from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep I have been building and reasearching for the future of my flowers. When I say I have been up all night and I am tired. The truth is I have been up for two or three days and I am burnt out. Why do I not ask for help much. Remember that scar I mentioned preiviously. That comes from the result of asking for help in the past and multiple other examples of being told lies about getting help from others. 

The image I made for my picture take a closer look and you will see that it is a single question. Is enuf, enughf? This is what I am finding out. I have burnt two bank accounts trying to keep my phone active, mostly cause my sister needs it more than I do (family plan) and am walking in that moral grey area to keep my agreement of not doing anything illegal so I can keep my word to my neice. If I was not going to hold my morals and values I could go back to the streets and have all the money I want and be done with the stress. I found a banking solution and e-com solution that works best for my current situation and if it fails I know their are moral black areas to go that I can take to keep my word and agreement. My time is running out with property taxes being due along with the last of the payments. I am hungry, I am angry, I am lonely and I am tired.

I respect the fact that you have invested your valuable time to read this. It is only a small glimpse into the why I am so passionate about going non-profit and dynamics of the flowers I create. I struggle everyday and to help others is a possatve way for me to cope with the things that go on in my thoughts and dreams. Yes it is hard to accept that it may never change and it is ok not to be happy with this fact. It is the actions that I am taking that deturmine who I am. I know I cannot change the entire world and so I had to learn to be the change that I want to see and thus I will change the world one Flower at a time. This is a personal bit about me and I do not want any sympathy. Fact is I will loose all respect for anyone who says any context of the term sorry. The best way to respond to such a thing is to thank a person for sharing. To give it some context it is like walking into a funeral with everyone crying and than telling them "Stop crying, Why cant you be happy?" The best way to show support to anyone is to offer the ability to take time to talk. This is the biggest flaw with psychiatry, therapy and anonymous programs. Than telling a person "sorry" when they have been lied to countless times in their life is the same as insulting them. It is afterall one of the very first lies we are ever taught to tell. Like when siblings fight and the parents grab the child and takes them to the other and makes them say they are sorry. 

 

HeartThrob #FAE 
HeartThrobFAE $FAE

 

 WITH RESPECT TO: Yaeunda and The Genius Room

Twitter's X  Let's Connect

E-Com/Art Gallery; PayPal, Stripe  Resources from sales go into non-profit expenses

#objktcom #NFT #tezos $NFT  Supporting mental health & connection through Digital collectables, NFT Art

 

MOST IMPORTAINT BLOGS:

heartthrob-and-the-flowers-of-appreciation  The story of my decision to go non-profit

starting-a-non-profit  Detailed list of Expenses Starting A Non-Profit (Revised 09-01-2023) 

dollar3500-fuk-money-i-only-care-about-results  $3500 USD Needed cost to fix credit to quaify for grants and funding and cost of non-profit filing fees.

something-about-differences  A look into they way I see the overwhelming bigotry in the world today

dear-diary  A closer look into who I am and my Flowers

the-silent-killer  A story to bring #suicideawareness through the reality that most people miss the CLUES

i-tried-i-failed  A story (personal experiance) that relates to a common reason for suicide

cv-bio-and-cv  A Look into what I have learned in Web3

the-importance-of-the-purple-circle  A story showing the importaince of Connection, Family and Love

support-and-sponsorship  A story about how the extra support will help me move forward

grand-floral-rising  A story about starting a business with no resources. (Resources I found and use)

heartthrob-the-dandelion-networker  A story about overcomming trauma and creating a social network, non-profit and business.

 

FIRST WRITTEN BLOG:  kick-off-to-memorial-weekend

 

Here is a blog I did on my Thoughts and struggles on a bad day (Depression) the-last-flower

TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD:

The website digiofficial.com is the official website of Digi Planet, a project that aims to conserve and rewild endangered animals through unique NFTs. NFTs are non-fungible tokens, which are digital assets that represent ownership and authenticity of various items, such as art, music, games, and collectibles. Digi Planet creates NFTs of rare and endangered animal. These NFTs are sold on various platforms, such as OpenSea, Rarible, and Foundation. A portion of the proceeds from the sales are donated to various conservation organizations, such as WWF, IUCN, and WCS.

The founders of Digi Planet are zentaurios and DigiOfficial DigiNFTs  Zentaurios is a digital artist and a wildlife enthusiast who creates the artworks for the NFTs. DigiOfficial is a software engineer and a blockchain expert who develops the smart contracts and the website for the project. They are both passionate about using technology and creativity to make a positive impact on the world.

 

SPONSOR/COLLABORATIONS:

anybodycangetit.io is a project that aims to create a platform for artificial intelligence (AI) integrations and exclusive services for the NFT (non-fungible token) community. The project is led by LitCreations88 LitCreations88 ABCGI a team of creative and passionate individuals who have experience in various fields such as music, art, gaming, and blockchain. The project has a strong social media presence OfficialABCGI, where they regularly post updates, giveaways, and events related to their project.

#DucksetOverEverything
ducksetthediploquacks.com is a project that combines music, art, and NFTs to create a unique and immersive experience for the Duckset community. The project is led by OneLaneProductions, a group of talented and passionate musicians, producers, and artists who have been in the industry for over 20 years. TheDiploquacks has a strong social media presence on Twitter, where they regularly post updates, giveaways, and events related to their project.